Confession #43: Acura and Buick's new small cars are Millennial-chasers, but Baby Boomers will be doing the driving

2013 Acura ILX (Photo: Wikimedia/IFCAR)

A day doesn't go by when I don't come across some story about automakers dying to appeal to so-called Millennials, or the twentysomething crowd infatuated with Facebook and iPhones.

That's fine and whatever, but designers and product planners think it's a good idea to incorporate elements of these things into new cars, especially those they want to sell to people of my demographic (well, those of us who are gainfully employed). I like the ability to connect my iPhone through Bluetooth and Internet radio steaming through the speakers is cool. But I do not want to update my Facebook status while driving, or post something witty to Twitter. Product planners of the auto industry, listen up: that's not going to get more Millennials to buy your cars.

What might work is if these entry-level "premium" cars they're pitching didn't look like they're made for our parents. The latest case comes from Acura, in the form of the totally shrug-inducing ILX sedan.

Confession #41: Don't hate it just because it's pretty, unreliable

You don't have to read too deep to find Consumer Reports' biases when it comes to testing cars. They place heavy emphasis over value and practicality over things like styling and emotion, things they probably say, "We leave to the enthusiast rags." Rightly so, since Consumer Reports also reviews things like TVs, laptops, butter and similarly prosaic products.

Don't get me wrong, I read their Cars blog religiously. And if someone who buys cars like they do microwaves, I base my recommendations off of some CR reviews. But if I, or anyone who puts emotion and style on a level with practicality, were in the market, I'd take CR's data with a grain of salt. 

The chronicles of their troublesome Fisker Karma then leaves me a little puzzled. First of all, who of their Prius-loving clientele is really interested in the Karma's gorgeous exterior and six-figure price tag? And it's such a low-volume vehicle, who, other than enthusiasts and celebrities, are really considering such a car? Those people are probably uninterested in reliability anyway, and they're tired of looking environmentally conscious while driving around in a Prius.

Confession #40: Americans dislike some really nice cars

Jaguar XF Sportbrake (Jaguar Cars photo)

The annual Geneva Motor Show is typically a parade of new, sometimes good-looking, cars that won't be available to Americans. It's exciting and disheartening for the fanatics who long for the ability to buy a weird French car in the States, or want something exotic that doesn't cost as much as a Ferrari. But lately, it's carmakers like Jaguar and Volvo who are witholding not only engines, but full-on body styles and new models from the US.

Companies say over and over Americans don't like wagons. I'm not one of them, along with a lot of other automotive commentators – we'd gladly take one over a lumbering crossover that's no more practical and a noticeably less efficient. But people with actual checkbooks have shown exactly what they'll pay for. Volvo, the byword for wagon, doesn't sell any of its V50, V60 or V70 wagons here anymore. The XC70, its only wagon-like model, finds maybe 4,000 new homes every year, compared to around 20,000 a decade ago.

Most people probably don't remember Jaguar, a name more synonymous with luxury sedans than load-luggers, sold a wagon version of its little X-Type sedan in the US from 2005 to 2007. The X-Type itself was a low note in the British brand's history, but the wagon derivative was particularly unloved – I think I've seen three out in the wild in my life, and about as many on eBay. So I can understand the company's apprehension to bring the stunning XF Sportbrake across the Atlantic.

Confession #39: Grandpa would want more cylinders

Cadillac V8 (Flickr/Hugo 90)

About five years ago, I was standing next to my grandfather watching a commercial for the then-new Cadillac CTS and the announcer was touting its direct injected V6 with 300-something horsepower. My grandfather, long past his driving years but still filled with memories of his '76 Coupe de Ville, turned to me and asked, "Does having a V6 cheapen a Cadillac?"

Grandpa raised a good point. I, raised on turbo fours and preferring condensed European power to the brute force that's long been an American philosophy, thought it was a non-issue at the time. To him, a Cadillac wasn't a Cadillac without eight cylinders. (I wasn't born yet to ask him what he thought of the Cimarron). He never really forgave GM for their downsizing in the '70s and '80s, either. If Grandpa were around today, I wonder what he'd say about the new Cadillac ATS, the 3-series opponent that features two four-cylinders in its engine roster. He'd probably hate it. And, after much thought, I kind of have to agree with him.

Confession #38: How I learned to stop worrying and use Pinterest to share pictures of cars

Photo: Creative Commons/Flickr/extranoise

I try to stifle a chuckle every time I hear someone call themselves a social media expert. How can you be an expert at something that wasn't even around a decade ago? Does anyone really know how to teach social media? It's like a trial-and-error process. The "social media expert" title is even less applicable to me. Sure, I spend quite a bit of time on Facebook and Twitter, but I was not an early adopter of either of those platforms. I only started using Google+ in earnest a few weeks ago. And Pinterest? That just happened this week.

What's Pinterest? Well ... I don't really know. It involves pictures, that's for sure. And I'm not a picture person. I love words. I'm less hot on images. But ever since I was persuaded into believing Pinterest was a good thing for journalists, I've been struggling to find a way to fit it into my life/work. The object is to make a series of boards based on a certain topic and then "pin" images of certain things you like to those boards, sort of a digital cork board. It's something I never needed in my life, I barely hang pictures or posters on my walls. Then I had an idea.

Confession #35: Whose Car of the Year is it, anyway?

I remember the holiday season for some notable things. Among them are consuming far too much food that your pants no longer fit, broken Christmas presents littering your living room floor and car commercials that are sillier than normal. Lexus has become synonymous for its “December to Remember” sales event advertisements that prominently showcase a car wrapped in a bow in the driveway as the surprised couple moves in slow motion towards their new RX-GS-IS-or whatever. Corny, I know.

Confession #32: You’d never feel the same way about a microwave as you do about a Swiss Army knife

2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland
(Chrysler Group LLC photo)

I met someone the other day who described his perils in car shopping. It didn’t start well, as he went out, hungover and somewhere in the Boston suburbs where the accents get thick, on a windy Saturday morning. He wandered into some dealerships, looking at some lightly used cars and then questioning their smells. Then he tried some new cars and came away unimpressed by just about everything he drove. But coming from his Porsche Cayman into something large and with four-wheel drive, I’d probably feel similarly. He did, however, like the Jeep Grand Cherokee, but came away feeling a little cold about it, perhaps like it was a little too sensible despite its go-anywhere capabilities.

The Grand Cherokee was a founding member of the ’90s suburban grocery getter, the SUV, and perennial also-ran to the Ford Explorer. Both kind of lost their way and popularity in the 2000s, but recently reinvented themselves. Jeep took the Grand Cherokee back to its roots and made something that was just as good on-road as it was off. Yes, you have to select a few option packages to get the Grand Cherokee “trail rated” these days, but it’s still as capable as any Jeep before. What’s more, it finally has the quality of materials befitting of a $40-50,000 car, which is what the upmarket Overland models cost now.

Confession #31: Nostalgia sometimes trumps good judgement

1987 Renault GTA

If the Internet has done anything (other than make normal people think they won’t miss local newspapers if they were to disappear) then it’s made the ability to buy something in a matter of seconds way too easy. The other day, my roommate was looking at buying 5 lbs. of pens online for $18. I didn’t know you could buy pens the same way one would buy flour.

I’m stuck with a similar affliction, but at least my bank balance has been kept intact. So far, that is. I’ve already admitted my tendency to shop for cars on eBay, AutoTrader.com, etc. that only an eccentric would long for – cars that no sane person would buy. Alfa Romeos from the 1980s and ‘90s, anything French (there was a really good-looking 1987 Renault GTA coupe – basically a “hot-ish” Renault Alliance – going for cheap the other day), some offbeat German models, you name it.

Confession #29: Admit to a big problem

'Save Saab' rally in Taiwan, Jan. 2010

Somehow it seems fitting that news of Saab’s intent to reorganize under Swedish law comes on a very cloudy, drizzly day in Boston. This is the land of many colleges and therefore many Saabs, if you believe the stereotype that all professors drive Saabs.

The company has filed for protection from creditors before. I remember the day in February 2009 when it was more likely that Saab’s former parent, General Motors, would go under than its Swedish division. And sure enough, Saab found a buyer in Spyker Cars – after a lengthy sale period.

Confession #24: Impulsive, non-committal type seeks functional, fast wagon for friendship

(Saab Automobile AB photo)

Wagons are perfect for someone who favors diplomatic decisions over democratic ones. And even for someone who wants a quick escape, just in case the choice doesn't work.

Take a detour to Ikea one Saturday? You can spend hundreds of dollars in assemble-yourself furniture and spend the rest of the weekend scratching your head and screaming at an Allen wrench. And then return it in pieces the following weekend while trying to keep the rage to a minimum at the customer service desk.

Have you just started scuba sessions? Dozens of oxygen tanks will fit without drama.

Confession #23: It doesn't have to be a supercar to be cool

Forbes recently published a list of "Cars that will make you cool." To the surprise of probably no one, they're all outrageously expensive things most people couldn't afford in a lifetime, even if they sold some vital organs.

No question, cars like the Spyker C8 Aileron and Ferrari FF are cool, but part of their appeal comes from the fact that they're exotic and unattainable by most. Therefore, are there new cars that are cool and aren't all high-cost, low-practicality sports cars?

2012 Fiat 500 Sport (Fiat USA photo)

Fiat 500: Small cars are cool again because rapidly rising gas prices are making everyone regret purchasing lumbering vehicles that drink too much unleaded gas. Until now, if you wanted a small four-seat car with some style, the default choice was a Mini. And that was great, because the Mini Cooper S in particular is a fantastic car to drive, seats four (or two in much greater comfort) and offers decent luggage space with the rear seats folded. Best of all, it's perfect for parking and maneuvering tight city gaps. While a Smart ForTwo is better in both regards, you could use a Mini as your only car. But what makes the Fiat cool is that there aren't a million of them on the street. Until the 500 starts selling by the hundred thousand, it's cool because it's a great alternative to the Mini, without being a Mini.

Confession #18: Small Cars Part 2 – Is this a country for super-small SUV?

2011 Mini Cooper S All4 Countryman
(Mini USA photo)

I walked past a Mini Countryman the other day. It was a strange sight in a snow-covered parking lot in Boston, mostly filled by weather-beaten small domestics, Saabs, Subarus, Volvos, and the occasional Audi A5 or Q5 that has somehow managed to stay cleaner than everything else.

There are even some standard Minis parked there and even then, the Countryman doesn’t blend in quite right, and not because this example looked pristine under the dim sunlight of a freezing January afternoon. It’s not small like a Mini or even another small hatch. But compared to the muddy Ford Explorer planted a few spaces away, it’s miniscule, no pun intended.

2010 Volkswagen Golf 3-door
(Volkswagen photo)

What never quite clicked with the Countryman and me was this: You buy a Mini because it’s compact, and you buy a small SUV/crossover either because it’s smaller than a big one or it’s all you can afford.

The Countryman is small. But at more than four meters (or 13 feet) long, it’s about the length of a Volkswagen Golf. And it’s at least 12 inches longer than the normal Mini, so it’s firmly into the “normal size” of a modern car.

Is it the normal length of an SUV? Hardly.

Confession #9: Being sold on a badge

It's easy to rag on the Germans. For the most part, it's hard to fault the cars. They may be expensive, sometimes ugly and, well...expensive, but beyond this there's not much else substantial to quibble over. That's why I poke fun at the perfection. BMW offers a setting on many of its vehicles to change the timer on the headlights after the car is turned off. But it's not like you can choose from seconds in increments of ten, it's infinite. You can be sitting in your car, like Jeremy Clarkson, and be fussing over the timer.

But it's the attention to detail and pursuit of perfection that begs to be both ridiculed and appreciated.
Audi has really been on a role lately. Aside from the misstep that is the Q7, there's not a bad looking car in the lineup. And since they're basically VWs, they're well-built.
So it comes as no surprise to me that this year's Green Car of the Year is the Audi A3 TDI.

It's a good looking car. It's practical, and at less than $30,000, it's not horrifically expensive. But like every Audi, it's amazingly well put together. There's no silver plastic inside, but real brushed aluminum. None of the panels have gaps you could run even a credit card through.
There is a problem though, and it comes from VW. The Jetta TDI was last year's Green Car of the Year. And now you can get the same engine in the new Golf TDI, which can be had with either two or four doors.
But here's the thing-- I'd still have the Audi. It might be insane, and a contradiction to what I've said before, but there's something about the A3 TDI I never realized before sitting in it and seriously considering it. But this car really is the best of all worlds. It has a designer label and it's practical. It's quick but it also does 42 MPG. People will look at your key, see the Audi logo and be impressed, more so than a VW.
This car allows you to be image-conscious and pragmatic at the same time. I'm sold.

Confession #3: Audi is the new BMW

I've never seen the reason for buying an Audi.

Take the A3 2.0T. Why would you buy that over a Volkswagen GTI? The engine is the same kind, it has the same power, the car is roughly the same size and it's basically as much fun to drive.

But the Audi is about seven grand more than the VW. And for what exactly? The badge, obviously.

Audi is the new BMW. It's official.

I'm pretty sure people have forgotten that Audis are dolled-up versions of VWs, in the same way that Lincolns are typically Fords in heavy makeup and Acuras made up from bits and pieces from the Honda partsbin. And there are a ton of other examples.

Don't get me wrong, a Vee-dub is great place to start. In fact, I can't really think of a bad Audi (oh wait, the Q7, which looks like it was modeled after a whale). They're all pretty good to drive, look good (Q7 excepted) and have some of the best interiors. In fact, they're better all-around than most offerings from the other Germans, let alone cars of other nationalities.

Audi would like you to think then that if you want to stand out from the mass of propeller badges, three-pointed stars, and slanted Ls, buy a car with four rings on the grille.

They've succeeded. Because if you're doing about 80 in the fast lane, there's going to be a spikey-haired boy in Oakleys in an A4 trying to race you. So you move to the next lane and get in front of a TT, which is angry that you're only going 10 mph over the limit.

Moral of the story: if you want to be different, buy a BMW. You'll end up with an ugly car though. So you could just by a VW. But then you're friends will think you couldn't afford an Audi.

I guess I'm safe with a Saab for now.