Confession #35: Whose Car of the Year is it, anyway?

I remember the holiday season for some notable things. Among them are consuming far too much food that your pants no longer fit, broken Christmas presents littering your living room floor and car commercials that are sillier than normal. Lexus has become synonymous for its “December to Remember” sales event advertisements that prominently showcase a car wrapped in a bow in the driveway as the surprised couple moves in slow motion towards their new RX-GS-IS-or whatever. Corny, I know.

Confession #32: You’d never feel the same way about a microwave as you do about a Swiss Army knife

2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland
(Chrysler Group LLC photo)

I met someone the other day who described his perils in car shopping. It didn’t start well, as he went out, hungover and somewhere in the Boston suburbs where the accents get thick, on a windy Saturday morning. He wandered into some dealerships, looking at some lightly used cars and then questioning their smells. Then he tried some new cars and came away unimpressed by just about everything he drove. But coming from his Porsche Cayman into something large and with four-wheel drive, I’d probably feel similarly. He did, however, like the Jeep Grand Cherokee, but came away feeling a little cold about it, perhaps like it was a little too sensible despite its go-anywhere capabilities.

The Grand Cherokee was a founding member of the ’90s suburban grocery getter, the SUV, and perennial also-ran to the Ford Explorer. Both kind of lost their way and popularity in the 2000s, but recently reinvented themselves. Jeep took the Grand Cherokee back to its roots and made something that was just as good on-road as it was off. Yes, you have to select a few option packages to get the Grand Cherokee “trail rated” these days, but it’s still as capable as any Jeep before. What’s more, it finally has the quality of materials befitting of a $40-50,000 car, which is what the upmarket Overland models cost now.

Confession #26: Get in and go for a drive

California State Highway 1 near Bixby Creek Bridge,
Big Sur, Calif. (Google Earth image) 

Easily one of my favorite things about driving is finding a good road without a lot of traffic, on a clear day with nothing else on your mind.

Trust me, it’s intoxicating.

Even though I lean towards the environmentalist perspective that we should all drive more economically and buy smaller, more appropriately sized cars, I don’t tell people it’s partially because we should be saving fuel for drives that aren’t to anywhere or really for anything other than the undiluted thrill of driving.

Finding a good road for this is a never-ending quest. Like a tough addiction, you can be happy with a favorite stretch of pavement for a while, until it becomes too familiar. Then you go out looking for something stronger, more thrilling. It could eventually consume you. Be careful.

The car for the job really matters. It has to be engaging on some level, meaning the Hertz special Ford Fusion isn’t a good fit. But get something that’s only powerful and not an able handler, and you’re again asking for trouble.

Confession #20: You can't run on customer loyalty forever

It’s no secret Toyota’s recently been taking its decades-old customer loyalty for granted.

And while company officials and sales figures suggest it’s managed to keep a number of those customers in the fold, could it be only a matter of time before millions of Toyota drivers leave the company?

Bloomberg’s Alan Ohnsman posed the question in a recent article describing the struggle of the Toyota Corolla, the company’s mainstay for the better part of four decades. It long ago passed the Volkswagen Beetle as the most popular nameplate in history, with more than 37 million sold since the 1960s. And, floor mat-accelerator issues aside, it’s remained a byword for durability and reliability.

2011 Toyota Corolla S (Toyota Motor photo)

Toyota’s been throwing those characteristics around in TV ads, with customer testimonials about the number of surviving Corollas in the last 20-or-so years.

But there’s a problem when the best thing a company can say about its product is that it’s durable and reliable. The Corolla’s forever been an example of an automotive appliance, just reliable transportation. And for many years that’s been fine, since that best described the small car class.

Confession #19: Most people my age couldn't care less about cars

I’ve known something was wrong for a few years now. I felt like a car addiction was something to be closeted because people would start squirming away from me.

And if I met “Mad Men’s” Vincent Kartheiser in a bar and started talking to him about turbochargers and Mercedes’ new AMG models, his eyes might roll back into his skull.

This means I wasn’t at all surprised by a recent report suggesting my generation, the Millennials – those born roughly between 1980 and 1995 – have dwindling interest in the car.

For automakers, especially the Detroit Three, this is damning information. General Motors, Ford and Chrysler already lost the Millenials’ parents, the Baby Boomers, to European and Japanese carmakers and that’s where they’ve stayed for the most part.

Confession #18: Small Cars Part 2 – Is this a country for super-small SUV?

2011 Mini Cooper S All4 Countryman
(Mini USA photo)

I walked past a Mini Countryman the other day. It was a strange sight in a snow-covered parking lot in Boston, mostly filled by weather-beaten small domestics, Saabs, Subarus, Volvos, and the occasional Audi A5 or Q5 that has somehow managed to stay cleaner than everything else.

There are even some standard Minis parked there and even then, the Countryman doesn’t blend in quite right, and not because this example looked pristine under the dim sunlight of a freezing January afternoon. It’s not small like a Mini or even another small hatch. But compared to the muddy Ford Explorer planted a few spaces away, it’s miniscule, no pun intended.

2010 Volkswagen Golf 3-door
(Volkswagen photo)

What never quite clicked with the Countryman and me was this: You buy a Mini because it’s compact, and you buy a small SUV/crossover either because it’s smaller than a big one or it’s all you can afford.

The Countryman is small. But at more than four meters (or 13 feet) long, it’s about the length of a Volkswagen Golf. And it’s at least 12 inches longer than the normal Mini, so it’s firmly into the “normal size” of a modern car.

Is it the normal length of an SUV? Hardly.

Confession #14: Small is in, whether we like it or not

OK, I have some sympathy for product planners who have some pretty cumbersome schedules.

Just when gas prices reached around $4.50 per gallon in the summer of 2008 – months before the economy crashed and burned – people were scrambling to sell their SUVs and V8s that took two credit card swipes at the pumps to fill. The same people took huge losses on trade-in values too when they swapped them in for things like the VW Jetta, Mini, Smart, Ford Focus, and especially the Honda Civic, which became the best-selling car in the US for a few months that year.

Fuel prices have precipitously fallen since then and are still mostly in the low-to-mid $3 range. But a wave of small cars automakers, hurried into production when they thought gas prices were going to keep escalating, have arrived.

Ford launched the Fiesta over the summer after a year of social media fanfare and teasing customers with the European version of the car.

Granted, Ford watered the now-Mexican-built Fiesta hatchback and introduced an ungainly looking four-door to the mix, but reviews have been fairly positive. What’s more, the company packed it with toys like a dual-clutch transmission (like the one VW has been putting in their cars) and the SYNC voice-control-Bluetooth software.

Chevy is doing something similar with the Civic-Corolla slayer Cruze. No longer is the General going cheap with small cars. Most versions come with a six-speed automatic and turbo 4-cylinder that gets around 40 MPG. Critics are raving about the interior quality, some, like The New York Times’ James Cobb, say it could be best-in-class. And remember, that class includes the former interior beauty queen Jetta.

Confession #12: Time to play catch-up

It’s been a rough year for Toyota and March isn’t even over. While sales probably won’t suffer too much (year-on-year comparisons and hefty incentives are responsible here), the company’s reputation is on the line right now.

Toyota, which reached its goal of being number one in 2008 – and did it again last year – did so by cutting costs, stretching its engineering resources and riding heavily on its reputation for high quality.

Time to face facts: Toyota stopped deserving their reputation several years ago. Products like the Camry and Corolla, while never groundbreaking in a technological or design standpoint, were always well-engineered and refined and to a higher standard than the competition.

Honda had stellar products in the 2003 Accord and 2006 Civic. Nissan got its act together with the 2007 Altima. Hyundai did a good job knocking off the Corolla with the 2007 Elantra, and did it with their low prices and great warranty. Now their new Sonata looks 10 times better than a Camry ever did while being cheaper, better built and better to drive. GM got down to business with the 2008 Chevy Malibu that is better at being competent than the Camry. And Ford’s 2010 Fusion leaves the Camry, and just about every other midsize sedan, in its dust whether you want gas or gas-electric power.

Toyota will get over its unintended acceleration hysteria whether or not the problem is actually solved. It may even get past its other quality issues. But it won’t be able to ride on its reputation for quality cars when it isn’t in the business of producing those products anymore.

When Hyundai/Kia are making them for cheaper, Volkswagen is making them with more panache (see NCC coupe concept, soon to be the new Jetta) and Ford is going crazy with courage (see new Focus and Grand C-Max also), it’s only a matter of time before Toyota loses its prized ubiquity.

Confession #3: Audi is the new BMW

I've never seen the reason for buying an Audi.

Take the A3 2.0T. Why would you buy that over a Volkswagen GTI? The engine is the same kind, it has the same power, the car is roughly the same size and it's basically as much fun to drive.

But the Audi is about seven grand more than the VW. And for what exactly? The badge, obviously.

Audi is the new BMW. It's official.

I'm pretty sure people have forgotten that Audis are dolled-up versions of VWs, in the same way that Lincolns are typically Fords in heavy makeup and Acuras made up from bits and pieces from the Honda partsbin. And there are a ton of other examples.

Don't get me wrong, a Vee-dub is great place to start. In fact, I can't really think of a bad Audi (oh wait, the Q7, which looks like it was modeled after a whale). They're all pretty good to drive, look good (Q7 excepted) and have some of the best interiors. In fact, they're better all-around than most offerings from the other Germans, let alone cars of other nationalities.

Audi would like you to think then that if you want to stand out from the mass of propeller badges, three-pointed stars, and slanted Ls, buy a car with four rings on the grille.

They've succeeded. Because if you're doing about 80 in the fast lane, there's going to be a spikey-haired boy in Oakleys in an A4 trying to race you. So you move to the next lane and get in front of a TT, which is angry that you're only going 10 mph over the limit.

Moral of the story: if you want to be different, buy a BMW. You'll end up with an ugly car though. So you could just by a VW. But then you're friends will think you couldn't afford an Audi.

I guess I'm safe with a Saab for now.

Confession #2: I want a pony car

This is insane.

In all of my roughly two decades of existence I have never had the urge for a Camaro or Mustang. If I bought a V6 version of either people would think I was a tourist if I drove around Santa Barbara. Or assume it was my girlfriend's car.

If I had a Camaro Z28 or Mustang GT I'd look like an idiot because I arms like pipe cleaners. And I wouldn't be able to afford to insure or fill it with gas. My grandmother had a '69 Firebird. Not a Trans Am, but it had a V8. She later swaped it for a new Toyota Corona, and then had a Volvo after. That's how ill-suited that matchup was. With me it would be even weirder.

A few months ago I saw a new Camaro parked in a parking garage. It had manufacturer plates so I assumed it was a press demonstrator. But I couldn't stop looking at it. I walked around it half a dozen times, looking at every detail. It was amazing.

And then a few days later I saw a new Dodge Challenger stopped at the lights. That looked great from every angle too. I nearly rolled into the car in front of me because I was so distracted.

But my new condition only got worse when I was behind a Mustang, stuck in traffic in tourist-infested Santa Barbara. I only knew it was the 2010 Mustang because it's slightly more slanted at each end than last year's. But when it signaled to turn I saw easily the best lighting design feature on a car: the sequential turn signal. I was in love.

The fact I would buy a car just because of its turn signals sounds absurd because it is. Think about it: if you're driving the car you're never going to see this amazing piece of design. And frankly if you drive the Mustang or the Camaro or the Challenger you're not going to see anything while you're driving because the visibility in all three is so bad.

But I can't stop thinking about owning a new Camaro 2LT with the RS pack. Yes I know it's the V6. But that V6 has just as much power as a BMW 135i and it costs about as much as a 128i. With none of the snobbery that comes with a BMW badge.