Confession #52: It should be easy to make a Subaru Outback

2015 Subaru Outback (Photo: Subaru)

The Subaru Outback is an important vehicle, and a surprising one. It has succeeded where the AMC Eagle and Matra Rancho failed. It's a wagon masquerading as an SUV that people actually take seriously.

It didn't happen overnight, but in about 20 years the Outback has gone from a niche vehicle to being Subaru's second-best seller and catapulting the brand itself from a quirky bit player in the US to a less quirky, significant player in the US. Subaru keeps having its "best month ever" for US sales they could really find a new way to say that.

But it's partly due to the Outback, a reasonably simple concept. So why can't anyone else make a serious rival?

Confession #36: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller's selling a Honda?

Car commercials were always kind of a "who's-who" of famous actors doing voiceovers. Did you know James Spader's been the voice of Acura commercials for years? Jeff Bridges has been lending his to Hyundai ads too. And the voice of Mercedes-Benz? That's Jon Hamm, or, as most people might recognize him, Don Draper from "Mad Men." And Draper's partner on the show Roger Sterling (John Slattery) spent the early part of last year posing in Lincoln ads. 

That's all been topped this Super Bowl season by Ferris Bueller. Err ... Matthew Broderick, as Ferris Bueller, playing Matthew Broderick. It's kind of confusing really. Broderick is the star in a Honda CR-V commercial, but he's acting like his character from the fantastic 1986 film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Only this time, Broderick is a middle-aged actor who plays hooky from work to drive around LA in his CR-V. Is that sad? Well, yes. It is.

Confession #35: Whose Car of the Year is it, anyway?

I remember the holiday season for some notable things. Among them are consuming far too much food that your pants no longer fit, broken Christmas presents littering your living room floor and car commercials that are sillier than normal. Lexus has become synonymous for its “December to Remember” sales event advertisements that prominently showcase a car wrapped in a bow in the driveway as the surprised couple moves in slow motion towards their new RX-GS-IS-or whatever. Corny, I know.

Confession #31: Nostalgia sometimes trumps good judgement

1987 Renault GTA

If the Internet has done anything (other than make normal people think they won’t miss local newspapers if they were to disappear) then it’s made the ability to buy something in a matter of seconds way too easy. The other day, my roommate was looking at buying 5 lbs. of pens online for $18. I didn’t know you could buy pens the same way one would buy flour.

I’m stuck with a similar affliction, but at least my bank balance has been kept intact. So far, that is. I’ve already admitted my tendency to shop for cars on eBay, AutoTrader.com, etc. that only an eccentric would long for – cars that no sane person would buy. Alfa Romeos from the 1980s and ‘90s, anything French (there was a really good-looking 1987 Renault GTA coupe – basically a “hot-ish” Renault Alliance – going for cheap the other day), some offbeat German models, you name it.

Confession #20: You can't run on customer loyalty forever

It’s no secret Toyota’s recently been taking its decades-old customer loyalty for granted.

And while company officials and sales figures suggest it’s managed to keep a number of those customers in the fold, could it be only a matter of time before millions of Toyota drivers leave the company?

Bloomberg’s Alan Ohnsman posed the question in a recent article describing the struggle of the Toyota Corolla, the company’s mainstay for the better part of four decades. It long ago passed the Volkswagen Beetle as the most popular nameplate in history, with more than 37 million sold since the 1960s. And, floor mat-accelerator issues aside, it’s remained a byword for durability and reliability.

2011 Toyota Corolla S (Toyota Motor photo)

Toyota’s been throwing those characteristics around in TV ads, with customer testimonials about the number of surviving Corollas in the last 20-or-so years.

But there’s a problem when the best thing a company can say about its product is that it’s durable and reliable. The Corolla’s forever been an example of an automotive appliance, just reliable transportation. And for many years that’s been fine, since that best described the small car class.

Confession #18: Small Cars Part 2 – Is this a country for super-small SUV?

2011 Mini Cooper S All4 Countryman
(Mini USA photo)

I walked past a Mini Countryman the other day. It was a strange sight in a snow-covered parking lot in Boston, mostly filled by weather-beaten small domestics, Saabs, Subarus, Volvos, and the occasional Audi A5 or Q5 that has somehow managed to stay cleaner than everything else.

There are even some standard Minis parked there and even then, the Countryman doesn’t blend in quite right, and not because this example looked pristine under the dim sunlight of a freezing January afternoon. It’s not small like a Mini or even another small hatch. But compared to the muddy Ford Explorer planted a few spaces away, it’s miniscule, no pun intended.

2010 Volkswagen Golf 3-door
(Volkswagen photo)

What never quite clicked with the Countryman and me was this: You buy a Mini because it’s compact, and you buy a small SUV/crossover either because it’s smaller than a big one or it’s all you can afford.

The Countryman is small. But at more than four meters (or 13 feet) long, it’s about the length of a Volkswagen Golf. And it’s at least 12 inches longer than the normal Mini, so it’s firmly into the “normal size” of a modern car.

Is it the normal length of an SUV? Hardly.

Confession #16: Hyundai's out in front

If you had told me, or anyone for that matter, in 2001 that 10 years later, the Hyundai Sonata would land on Car and Driver magazine’s 10 Best List and be one of the best-selling midsize sedan – just behind the perennials Toyota Camry and Honda Accord – I wouldn't be the only person laughing.


But crazier things have happened, such as Lady Gaga and Lindsay Lohan. Or things ending in Gosselin or Palin.

Then it’s less surprising that the South Korean carmaker, part of an industrial giant that used discarded Mitsubishi designs as the basis for its first vehicles, is now being compared not just to mainstream carmakers like Toyota or Ford, but premium brands like Mercedes-Benz and Lexus.

Confession #15: The '90s did, in fact, rock

I stole this from a recent Twitter trend, I admit. But someone stole it from me, because I’ve been saying it for years. Almost 10 in fact.

The 1990s was a great decade. Admittedly, I’ve only lived through two decades and that’s often embarrassing to tell people.

No, I was born after the Berlin Wall fell down, Reagan was out of office at this point, and greed was no longer good. I grew up smack in the middle of the era of the Trophy Kids, where we were awarded for showing up. Seriously, I have the participation trophies to prove this.

But lately, I’ve been on a kick to find cars from my childhood. Late-night searches on eBay and other classifieds have me filtering through an interesting selection of motors that graced the pages of auto magazines from my childhood.

Here’s a sample of what I’m on the lookout for:

1999 Mercedes-Benz C43 AMG
(DaimlerChrysler photo)

Mercedes-Benz C43 AMG (1998-2000)
A lunatic V8 small Mercedes seemed like a crazy idea in 1998, and in the C43 it was. When others this size were still in turbo fours and sixes, Mercedes-Benz shoehorned a big engine and made something hugely expensive and wild. But remember, this is when Mercedes was still over-engineering their cars. So today, it’s a remarkably solid sport sedan.

1997 BMW M3 Sedan
(BMW AG photo)

BMW M3 Sedan (1997-1998)
The E36 3-series (’92-’99) is perhaps my favorite 3-series of all of them. The M3 of this era made do without much of the technology and electronic interference of subsequent editions. But the best of all for me was the 4-door. It’s more practical than the coupe, just as good looking and so discreet you won’t be immediately targeted by the police for speeding. The school superintendent in my elementary school days even had one, with her son's booster seat in place if I recall. If that's not unassuming, I don't know what is.

1995 BMW 850CSi (BMW photo)

BMW 850CSi (1994-1996)
OK, so the 8-series was a bridge too far for BMW. It was too expensive when it was new and not fast enough. But today they’re quite cheap and this, the fastest of all, looks fantastic today. I’ve loved the car since I was 4 years old, when all I wanted for Christmas was a 1/18 scale model of one. It’s not a great car but it’s certainly an interesting one.

1995 Jaguar XJR (Jaguar Cars photo)

Jaguar XJR (1995-1997)
Similar situation as the 8-series. The first XJR debuted in the revised 1995 XJ line, the first revision of the big Jag since Ford took the company over. Arguably the biggest goal of the X300 project was to make the electrics work. They were somewhat successful, but in the process the designers did their part to make it the best-looking Jag until the 2007 XK. And the engineers in charge of power decided to supercharge the 4.0-liter straight six, with 333 horsepower. Sure, it does 12 MPG, but since it won’t start every day you won’t be going very far anyway.

1997 Land Rover Defender 90
(Land Rover North America photo)

Land Rover Defender 90 (1994-1995, 1997)
Think of the Defender as a Jeep Wrangler for Europhiles. It has the same mission as the Jeep, being a relentless off-road bruiser that bruises you if you drive it on-road. There really isn’t an ounce of refinement in the basic Land Rover, as even the seats are vinyl. But of the couple thousand Defender 90 3-doors built for the US, all have V8s out of the Range Rover, which is why even the Brits lust after these specific models. The best bets are the 1997 models, when the V8 was upped from 3.9 to 4.0 liters and came with an automatic.

1993 Volkswagen Corrado SLC VR6
(Volkswagen photo)

Volkswagen Corrado SLC, Golf GTI VR6 and Jetta GLX VR6 (1993-1994, 1995-1999)
My father road tested the Corrado when it first came out in 1990 and hated it. The simple mention of the car drove shivers down his spine, and lots of unflattering words from his mouth. That’s because Volkswagen decided to put a nasty supercharged four-cylinder that wasn’t really fast enough. But Wolfsburg wised up in 1993 with the addition of the VR6, a V6 the size of a four-cylinder squeezed into the tiny engine bay. The result was a fantastic looking coupe with a fantastically smooth engine. Even so, the Corrado didn’t sell, so VW took the engine and put it into the Golf GTI and Jetta GLX in 1995 with similar effects. Thus began the first of the “Grown-up” hot VWs.

1999 Honda Civic Si
(American Honda photo)

Honda Civic Si (1999-2000)
Normally I’d approach a Civic the same enthusiasm as I devote to doing laundry. But then this is when Honda was still making the Civic right, with sophisticated suspension and eager VTEC engines. The best of all was the late-model Si coupe. It came only with a 160-horspower four-cylinder mated to a five-speed manual. It also weighed practically nothing and came with no electronic interference. Finding an example that hasn’t been rolled, tracked or used as a prop in a “Fast and the Furious” iteration is a tough but worthy find.

1991 Alfa Romeo 164 S

Alfa Romeo 164 (1991-1995)
This one’s a crazy idea. I really know nothing about Alfas, partly because they sold a tiny number of cars in the US before they pulled out of the market when I was five. But I do know the 164 shared a number of under-the-floor bits with the Saab 9000, a car I am familiar with. I also know the Pininfarina body is seriously attractive and that you can pick one up for pretty cheap. What I don’t know is a good Alfa mechanic. Still, a good find if a Saab is just too common.

Of course, this is the short list, or at least what I can remember without rummaging through the magazines from the ’90s. There’s just a great simplicity to these cars but all of them could be considered modern somehow (with exception to the Defender, which is just cool). And I think it’s cool to drive all of these cars again, especially if they haven’t fared too badly during the last decade. Though I’m not sure how many more ’90s trends need to come back into fashion. We’re still reliving the ’80s apparently.

Confession #12: Time to play catch-up

It’s been a rough year for Toyota and March isn’t even over. While sales probably won’t suffer too much (year-on-year comparisons and hefty incentives are responsible here), the company’s reputation is on the line right now.

Toyota, which reached its goal of being number one in 2008 – and did it again last year – did so by cutting costs, stretching its engineering resources and riding heavily on its reputation for high quality.

Time to face facts: Toyota stopped deserving their reputation several years ago. Products like the Camry and Corolla, while never groundbreaking in a technological or design standpoint, were always well-engineered and refined and to a higher standard than the competition.

Honda had stellar products in the 2003 Accord and 2006 Civic. Nissan got its act together with the 2007 Altima. Hyundai did a good job knocking off the Corolla with the 2007 Elantra, and did it with their low prices and great warranty. Now their new Sonata looks 10 times better than a Camry ever did while being cheaper, better built and better to drive. GM got down to business with the 2008 Chevy Malibu that is better at being competent than the Camry. And Ford’s 2010 Fusion leaves the Camry, and just about every other midsize sedan, in its dust whether you want gas or gas-electric power.

Toyota will get over its unintended acceleration hysteria whether or not the problem is actually solved. It may even get past its other quality issues. But it won’t be able to ride on its reputation for quality cars when it isn’t in the business of producing those products anymore.

When Hyundai/Kia are making them for cheaper, Volkswagen is making them with more panache (see NCC coupe concept, soon to be the new Jetta) and Ford is going crazy with courage (see new Focus and Grand C-Max also), it’s only a matter of time before Toyota loses its prized ubiquity.

Confession #8: Ugliness loves company-- at Honda

First there was the Acura ZDX, which I've blamed the existence of on the BMW X6.

Now Honda has shot itself again with the release of the Honda Accord Crosstour, which automags are ready to rag at this point.

There is a reasonable business case for this one. Toyota has burdened the world with the hideous Venza, and Nissan put its toothy Murano out for the world to see as well. Companies think people in these cash-conscious and un-bling times still want unnecessary vehicles. Why would anyone buy an Accord Crossdresser for similar money as the far more practical Honda Pilot, or the cheaper CR-V? And why would you pass up the Toyota Highlander for the Venza, which has two fewer seats, is uglier and gets worse fuel economy?

Honda doesn't understand, like a number of other automakers this year, that the world doesn't want hatchbacks with funny names and bulbous details. What upscale customers want is something European. Something like the Honda Accord Tourer. But that's coming next year. As an Acura TSX wagon. I'll wait for that one.

Confession #3: Audi is the new BMW

I've never seen the reason for buying an Audi.

Take the A3 2.0T. Why would you buy that over a Volkswagen GTI? The engine is the same kind, it has the same power, the car is roughly the same size and it's basically as much fun to drive.

But the Audi is about seven grand more than the VW. And for what exactly? The badge, obviously.

Audi is the new BMW. It's official.

I'm pretty sure people have forgotten that Audis are dolled-up versions of VWs, in the same way that Lincolns are typically Fords in heavy makeup and Acuras made up from bits and pieces from the Honda partsbin. And there are a ton of other examples.

Don't get me wrong, a Vee-dub is great place to start. In fact, I can't really think of a bad Audi (oh wait, the Q7, which looks like it was modeled after a whale). They're all pretty good to drive, look good (Q7 excepted) and have some of the best interiors. In fact, they're better all-around than most offerings from the other Germans, let alone cars of other nationalities.

Audi would like you to think then that if you want to stand out from the mass of propeller badges, three-pointed stars, and slanted Ls, buy a car with four rings on the grille.

They've succeeded. Because if you're doing about 80 in the fast lane, there's going to be a spikey-haired boy in Oakleys in an A4 trying to race you. So you move to the next lane and get in front of a TT, which is angry that you're only going 10 mph over the limit.

Moral of the story: if you want to be different, buy a BMW. You'll end up with an ugly car though. So you could just by a VW. But then you're friends will think you couldn't afford an Audi.

I guess I'm safe with a Saab for now.