Confession #58: Mercedes now makes the wildest hot hatches, or whatever they're called

Look, Daimler. I don't know where you're hiding the old Mercedes-Benz, but I'm starting not to care. I longed for the days of the stoic W124s, but Stuttgart has embraced its lunatic side and it's having startlingly seductive results.

Case in point is the newly announced Mercedes CLA45 AMG Shooting Brake. Dear God, it's pretty much everything I've ever wanted.

Confession #41: Don't hate it just because it's pretty, unreliable

You don't have to read too deep to find Consumer Reports' biases when it comes to testing cars. They place heavy emphasis over value and practicality over things like styling and emotion, things they probably say, "We leave to the enthusiast rags." Rightly so, since Consumer Reports also reviews things like TVs, laptops, butter and similarly prosaic products.

Don't get me wrong, I read their Cars blog religiously. And if someone who buys cars like they do microwaves, I base my recommendations off of some CR reviews. But if I, or anyone who puts emotion and style on a level with practicality, were in the market, I'd take CR's data with a grain of salt. 

The chronicles of their troublesome Fisker Karma then leaves me a little puzzled. First of all, who of their Prius-loving clientele is really interested in the Karma's gorgeous exterior and six-figure price tag? And it's such a low-volume vehicle, who, other than enthusiasts and celebrities, are really considering such a car? Those people are probably uninterested in reliability anyway, and they're tired of looking environmentally conscious while driving around in a Prius.

Confession #40: Americans dislike some really nice cars

Jaguar XF Sportbrake (Jaguar Cars photo)

The annual Geneva Motor Show is typically a parade of new, sometimes good-looking, cars that won't be available to Americans. It's exciting and disheartening for the fanatics who long for the ability to buy a weird French car in the States, or want something exotic that doesn't cost as much as a Ferrari. But lately, it's carmakers like Jaguar and Volvo who are witholding not only engines, but full-on body styles and new models from the US.

Companies say over and over Americans don't like wagons. I'm not one of them, along with a lot of other automotive commentators – we'd gladly take one over a lumbering crossover that's no more practical and a noticeably less efficient. But people with actual checkbooks have shown exactly what they'll pay for. Volvo, the byword for wagon, doesn't sell any of its V50, V60 or V70 wagons here anymore. The XC70, its only wagon-like model, finds maybe 4,000 new homes every year, compared to around 20,000 a decade ago.

Most people probably don't remember Jaguar, a name more synonymous with luxury sedans than load-luggers, sold a wagon version of its little X-Type sedan in the US from 2005 to 2007. The X-Type itself was a low note in the British brand's history, but the wagon derivative was particularly unloved – I think I've seen three out in the wild in my life, and about as many on eBay. So I can understand the company's apprehension to bring the stunning XF Sportbrake across the Atlantic.

Confession #39: Grandpa would want more cylinders

Cadillac V8 (Flickr/Hugo 90)

About five years ago, I was standing next to my grandfather watching a commercial for the then-new Cadillac CTS and the announcer was touting its direct injected V6 with 300-something horsepower. My grandfather, long past his driving years but still filled with memories of his '76 Coupe de Ville, turned to me and asked, "Does having a V6 cheapen a Cadillac?"

Grandpa raised a good point. I, raised on turbo fours and preferring condensed European power to the brute force that's long been an American philosophy, thought it was a non-issue at the time. To him, a Cadillac wasn't a Cadillac without eight cylinders. (I wasn't born yet to ask him what he thought of the Cimarron). He never really forgave GM for their downsizing in the '70s and '80s, either. If Grandpa were around today, I wonder what he'd say about the new Cadillac ATS, the 3-series opponent that features two four-cylinders in its engine roster. He'd probably hate it. And, after much thought, I kind of have to agree with him.

Confession #36: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller's selling a Honda?

Car commercials were always kind of a "who's-who" of famous actors doing voiceovers. Did you know James Spader's been the voice of Acura commercials for years? Jeff Bridges has been lending his to Hyundai ads too. And the voice of Mercedes-Benz? That's Jon Hamm, or, as most people might recognize him, Don Draper from "Mad Men." And Draper's partner on the show Roger Sterling (John Slattery) spent the early part of last year posing in Lincoln ads. 

That's all been topped this Super Bowl season by Ferris Bueller. Err ... Matthew Broderick, as Ferris Bueller, playing Matthew Broderick. It's kind of confusing really. Broderick is the star in a Honda CR-V commercial, but he's acting like his character from the fantastic 1986 film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Only this time, Broderick is a middle-aged actor who plays hooky from work to drive around LA in his CR-V. Is that sad? Well, yes. It is.

Confession #26: Get in and go for a drive

California State Highway 1 near Bixby Creek Bridge,
Big Sur, Calif. (Google Earth image) 

Easily one of my favorite things about driving is finding a good road without a lot of traffic, on a clear day with nothing else on your mind.

Trust me, it’s intoxicating.

Even though I lean towards the environmentalist perspective that we should all drive more economically and buy smaller, more appropriately sized cars, I don’t tell people it’s partially because we should be saving fuel for drives that aren’t to anywhere or really for anything other than the undiluted thrill of driving.

Finding a good road for this is a never-ending quest. Like a tough addiction, you can be happy with a favorite stretch of pavement for a while, until it becomes too familiar. Then you go out looking for something stronger, more thrilling. It could eventually consume you. Be careful.

The car for the job really matters. It has to be engaging on some level, meaning the Hertz special Ford Fusion isn’t a good fit. But get something that’s only powerful and not an able handler, and you’re again asking for trouble.

Confession #24: Impulsive, non-committal type seeks functional, fast wagon for friendship

(Saab Automobile AB photo)

Wagons are perfect for someone who favors diplomatic decisions over democratic ones. And even for someone who wants a quick escape, just in case the choice doesn't work.

Take a detour to Ikea one Saturday? You can spend hundreds of dollars in assemble-yourself furniture and spend the rest of the weekend scratching your head and screaming at an Allen wrench. And then return it in pieces the following weekend while trying to keep the rage to a minimum at the customer service desk.

Have you just started scuba sessions? Dozens of oxygen tanks will fit without drama.

Confession #23: It doesn't have to be a supercar to be cool

Forbes recently published a list of "Cars that will make you cool." To the surprise of probably no one, they're all outrageously expensive things most people couldn't afford in a lifetime, even if they sold some vital organs.

No question, cars like the Spyker C8 Aileron and Ferrari FF are cool, but part of their appeal comes from the fact that they're exotic and unattainable by most. Therefore, are there new cars that are cool and aren't all high-cost, low-practicality sports cars?

2012 Fiat 500 Sport (Fiat USA photo)

Fiat 500: Small cars are cool again because rapidly rising gas prices are making everyone regret purchasing lumbering vehicles that drink too much unleaded gas. Until now, if you wanted a small four-seat car with some style, the default choice was a Mini. And that was great, because the Mini Cooper S in particular is a fantastic car to drive, seats four (or two in much greater comfort) and offers decent luggage space with the rear seats folded. Best of all, it's perfect for parking and maneuvering tight city gaps. While a Smart ForTwo is better in both regards, you could use a Mini as your only car. But what makes the Fiat cool is that there aren't a million of them on the street. Until the 500 starts selling by the hundred thousand, it's cool because it's a great alternative to the Mini, without being a Mini.

Confession #16: Hyundai's out in front

If you had told me, or anyone for that matter, in 2001 that 10 years later, the Hyundai Sonata would land on Car and Driver magazine’s 10 Best List and be one of the best-selling midsize sedan – just behind the perennials Toyota Camry and Honda Accord – I wouldn't be the only person laughing.


But crazier things have happened, such as Lady Gaga and Lindsay Lohan. Or things ending in Gosselin or Palin.

Then it’s less surprising that the South Korean carmaker, part of an industrial giant that used discarded Mitsubishi designs as the basis for its first vehicles, is now being compared not just to mainstream carmakers like Toyota or Ford, but premium brands like Mercedes-Benz and Lexus.

Confession #15: The '90s did, in fact, rock

I stole this from a recent Twitter trend, I admit. But someone stole it from me, because I’ve been saying it for years. Almost 10 in fact.

The 1990s was a great decade. Admittedly, I’ve only lived through two decades and that’s often embarrassing to tell people.

No, I was born after the Berlin Wall fell down, Reagan was out of office at this point, and greed was no longer good. I grew up smack in the middle of the era of the Trophy Kids, where we were awarded for showing up. Seriously, I have the participation trophies to prove this.

But lately, I’ve been on a kick to find cars from my childhood. Late-night searches on eBay and other classifieds have me filtering through an interesting selection of motors that graced the pages of auto magazines from my childhood.

Here’s a sample of what I’m on the lookout for:

1999 Mercedes-Benz C43 AMG
(DaimlerChrysler photo)

Mercedes-Benz C43 AMG (1998-2000)
A lunatic V8 small Mercedes seemed like a crazy idea in 1998, and in the C43 it was. When others this size were still in turbo fours and sixes, Mercedes-Benz shoehorned a big engine and made something hugely expensive and wild. But remember, this is when Mercedes was still over-engineering their cars. So today, it’s a remarkably solid sport sedan.

1997 BMW M3 Sedan
(BMW AG photo)

BMW M3 Sedan (1997-1998)
The E36 3-series (’92-’99) is perhaps my favorite 3-series of all of them. The M3 of this era made do without much of the technology and electronic interference of subsequent editions. But the best of all for me was the 4-door. It’s more practical than the coupe, just as good looking and so discreet you won’t be immediately targeted by the police for speeding. The school superintendent in my elementary school days even had one, with her son's booster seat in place if I recall. If that's not unassuming, I don't know what is.

1995 BMW 850CSi (BMW photo)

BMW 850CSi (1994-1996)
OK, so the 8-series was a bridge too far for BMW. It was too expensive when it was new and not fast enough. But today they’re quite cheap and this, the fastest of all, looks fantastic today. I’ve loved the car since I was 4 years old, when all I wanted for Christmas was a 1/18 scale model of one. It’s not a great car but it’s certainly an interesting one.

1995 Jaguar XJR (Jaguar Cars photo)

Jaguar XJR (1995-1997)
Similar situation as the 8-series. The first XJR debuted in the revised 1995 XJ line, the first revision of the big Jag since Ford took the company over. Arguably the biggest goal of the X300 project was to make the electrics work. They were somewhat successful, but in the process the designers did their part to make it the best-looking Jag until the 2007 XK. And the engineers in charge of power decided to supercharge the 4.0-liter straight six, with 333 horsepower. Sure, it does 12 MPG, but since it won’t start every day you won’t be going very far anyway.

1997 Land Rover Defender 90
(Land Rover North America photo)

Land Rover Defender 90 (1994-1995, 1997)
Think of the Defender as a Jeep Wrangler for Europhiles. It has the same mission as the Jeep, being a relentless off-road bruiser that bruises you if you drive it on-road. There really isn’t an ounce of refinement in the basic Land Rover, as even the seats are vinyl. But of the couple thousand Defender 90 3-doors built for the US, all have V8s out of the Range Rover, which is why even the Brits lust after these specific models. The best bets are the 1997 models, when the V8 was upped from 3.9 to 4.0 liters and came with an automatic.

1993 Volkswagen Corrado SLC VR6
(Volkswagen photo)

Volkswagen Corrado SLC, Golf GTI VR6 and Jetta GLX VR6 (1993-1994, 1995-1999)
My father road tested the Corrado when it first came out in 1990 and hated it. The simple mention of the car drove shivers down his spine, and lots of unflattering words from his mouth. That’s because Volkswagen decided to put a nasty supercharged four-cylinder that wasn’t really fast enough. But Wolfsburg wised up in 1993 with the addition of the VR6, a V6 the size of a four-cylinder squeezed into the tiny engine bay. The result was a fantastic looking coupe with a fantastically smooth engine. Even so, the Corrado didn’t sell, so VW took the engine and put it into the Golf GTI and Jetta GLX in 1995 with similar effects. Thus began the first of the “Grown-up” hot VWs.

1999 Honda Civic Si
(American Honda photo)

Honda Civic Si (1999-2000)
Normally I’d approach a Civic the same enthusiasm as I devote to doing laundry. But then this is when Honda was still making the Civic right, with sophisticated suspension and eager VTEC engines. The best of all was the late-model Si coupe. It came only with a 160-horspower four-cylinder mated to a five-speed manual. It also weighed practically nothing and came with no electronic interference. Finding an example that hasn’t been rolled, tracked or used as a prop in a “Fast and the Furious” iteration is a tough but worthy find.

1991 Alfa Romeo 164 S

Alfa Romeo 164 (1991-1995)
This one’s a crazy idea. I really know nothing about Alfas, partly because they sold a tiny number of cars in the US before they pulled out of the market when I was five. But I do know the 164 shared a number of under-the-floor bits with the Saab 9000, a car I am familiar with. I also know the Pininfarina body is seriously attractive and that you can pick one up for pretty cheap. What I don’t know is a good Alfa mechanic. Still, a good find if a Saab is just too common.

Of course, this is the short list, or at least what I can remember without rummaging through the magazines from the ’90s. There’s just a great simplicity to these cars but all of them could be considered modern somehow (with exception to the Defender, which is just cool). And I think it’s cool to drive all of these cars again, especially if they haven’t fared too badly during the last decade. Though I’m not sure how many more ’90s trends need to come back into fashion. We’re still reliving the ’80s apparently.