Confession #59: The SUV-sedan is the strangest combination that won't go away

Most wagon fans have come to terms as much as possible with jacked-up wagons, if only as a way of keeping the breed alive somehow. With successes like the Subaru Outback, you can't really argue with it – and it's about all of the SUV many, many people need.

But the offshoot of this wagon-with-cladding trend is the curious sedan-with-cladding, the likes of which haven't been seen since 2007. Thanks to Volvo and the S60 Cross Country, it's back and as charmingly confusing as ever.

Confession #55: The Jaguar XE needs to be special so we can never say X-Type again

Jaguar XE (Photos: Jaguar)

The Jaguar XE is supposed to make you think of the future. The company wants you to look at it and see your future car, more than anything else. But it represents the company's future volume brand, and reassuring its future altogether.

Which is unfortunate because that's exactly what they wanted you to think 13 years ago with another small sedan that began with an X. The Jaguar X-Type was that compact BMW 3-series-fighter that was supposed to propel Jaguar into the mainstream luxury world once and for all. And it's mentioned in just about everything written about the XE this week. I quit counting after about a bazillion.

Would anyone remember the X-Type if the auto-writing world didn't bother to mention it every now and then?

Confession #54: The new Volvo XC90 is slick, not outrageous – and that's perfect

New Volvo XC90 (Photos: Volvo Cars)

I really hoped Volvo would stick some splashes of orange trim on the production 2016 Volvo XC90, like they had on the Volvo Concept XC Coupe. I really hoped the new XC90 would have tweed upholstery and orange seatbelts like the Volvo Concept Estate.

The new XC90 doesn't have any of these things.

Probably the most interesting thing on the totally new XC90 crossover will be the crystal gearshift and little Swedish flag tags on the seats. Many of us are disappointed after the months and months of teasing, but I think I'm fine with this new Volvo. In an age of tacky LEDs and vents and pointless swooshes everywhere in car design, this is a clean, simple design. It's a Volvo, and that's a good thing here.

Confession #52: It should be easy to make a Subaru Outback

2015 Subaru Outback (Photo: Subaru)

The Subaru Outback is an important vehicle, and a surprising one. It has succeeded where the AMC Eagle and Matra Rancho failed. It's a wagon masquerading as an SUV that people actually take seriously.

It didn't happen overnight, but in about 20 years the Outback has gone from a niche vehicle to being Subaru's second-best seller and catapulting the brand itself from a quirky bit player in the US to a less quirky, significant player in the US. Subaru keeps having its "best month ever" for US sales they could really find a new way to say that.

But it's partly due to the Outback, a reasonably simple concept. So why can't anyone else make a serious rival?

Confession #50: It's crazy not to bring the Smart ForFour to the US

Daimler's third go at making the Smart ForTwo super small city car concept work looks good so far. Leave it to the French, Renault in this case, to finally make the Smart as weird as it should be. But it's the four-door, four-seat ForFour that could be a hit. And best of all, it looks ridiculous.

Where it could really work is in the United States. Six years ago, the Smart proved relatively popular as far as tiny European cars go. But five years ago, it entered into a sales spiral it never recovered from – even after Daimler stepped in to distribute the car and introduced a really cheap electric version. Americans want more doors and more space. And that's exactly what Daimler is going to keep from Americans.

Confession #49: New cars are just like old cars

The Honda CR-V offers just about anything anyone could ask from a car, as long as you're not someone who particularly likes cars. And even if you do, you can respect it. Really, that's a rare thing.

I've had a theory for a while now that the CR-V is the modern day Volvo 240. Last produced 21 years ago, Volvo never replaced the 240 wagon with anything as utilitarian, so that sent people who cared far more about practicality and longevity than badge snobbery. It's a car people only get rid of when the smells inside of it become too difficult to live with.

Confession #43: Acura and Buick's new small cars are Millennial-chasers, but Baby Boomers will be doing the driving

2013 Acura ILX (Photo: Wikimedia/IFCAR)

A day doesn't go by when I don't come across some story about automakers dying to appeal to so-called Millennials, or the twentysomething crowd infatuated with Facebook and iPhones.

That's fine and whatever, but designers and product planners think it's a good idea to incorporate elements of these things into new cars, especially those they want to sell to people of my demographic (well, those of us who are gainfully employed). I like the ability to connect my iPhone through Bluetooth and Internet radio steaming through the speakers is cool. But I do not want to update my Facebook status while driving, or post something witty to Twitter. Product planners of the auto industry, listen up: that's not going to get more Millennials to buy your cars.

What might work is if these entry-level "premium" cars they're pitching didn't look like they're made for our parents. The latest case comes from Acura, in the form of the totally shrug-inducing ILX sedan.

Confession #34: Car guys need their own table

1972 BMW 3.0 CSi

More often these days, I find myself at a table with several people, some of whom I know better than others. Those people don’t know what a car guy I am, how eager I am to contribute more than my two cents on current automotive trends. There’s always one other car guy at the table, though. Sometimes, he’ll be looking for a new car and you’ll be running down a list of every new model around $30,000. Or he’ll be the guy with a restored 1972 BMW 3.0CS and you’ll have to be careful not to be visibly drooling or express so much love of old BMWs and disdain for the new ones that you insult the inevitable person at the table with a new 3-series.

I try to keep my mouth shut for as long as possible. Flashing your Car Guy knowledge right off the bat is a bad move, since it polarizes the conversation and you’ll spend the rest of the evening either shunned from less polarizing conversation (like politics or religion) or talking in a corner with the one other petrol head. This must be what getting old feels like. 

Confession #33: Give Saab a chance, but don't hold your breath

2012 Saab 9-3 Independence Edition Convertible (left),
Saab 9-5 SportCombi,Saab 9-3 Griffin SportCombi,
Saab 9-4x and PhoeniX concept car (Saab Automobie AB photo)

Last February, I was pretty elated when Spyker closed the deal to rescue Saab from the crusher of liquidation following an aborted attempt from tiny supercar maker Koenigsegg to buy the fellow Swedish brand from a bankrupt General Motors. I kept looking at my iPhone for news about the deal, occasionally getting death stares from a professor while she was talking about something. I’m not one to text during class, but Saab’s fate was fascinating to me.

The news this Halloween that Saab will be allowed to continue its second reorganization plan now that two Chinese companies you’ve never heard of will buy the carmaker and invest in it hasn’t got me quite so giddy. Pang Da and Youngman aren’t exactly big-time players in the China automotive, not like Volvo’s owner Geely anyway. Pang Da doesn’t actually make cars either; it’s a distribution company. It’s kind of like when Roger Penske’s company tried to buy Saturn, only this time Pang Da’s collaborating 40/60 with Youngman (an auto company) and Saab has its own engineers and plants.

The Chinese firms want to finally give Saab not only a serious distribution arm in their country, but produce three new model lines – including a large crossover and a small 9-1 compact rival to the Mini.

Confession #28: It's all about the touch

People like to touch things, that's just a fact. So when automakers design an interior, it had better be made of some satisfying materials that give off positive feelings when used. We spend a lot of time touching a knob to adjust the air conditioning, a button to open or close a window and a lever to change gears. 

Nothing gets a car reviewer (often ones from Consumer Reports) giddier than a soft-touch dashboard, the ones where your finger leaves a dimple in the dash when pressure is applied. That's in comparison to old plastic dashboards that sometimes resembled the plastic holding your See's chocolate in place in the box. 

2012 Volkswagen Passat SEL (VW of America photo)

I was wandering by the local Volkswagen dealer the other day and walked up to the new Passat. Now the exterior is one thing. It's a sharp-suited sedan, very Teutonic in comparison to the artsy Hyundai Sonata and conservative-but-somehow-not-right Japanese competition. Even though the much-ballyhooed, American-made Passat is a lot cheaper than the old car, it looks expensive on the outside.