Confession #51: There's never going to be a VW GTI like the first VW GTI

Photo: VW

For the third week in a row, Consumer Reports' Talking Cars segment has decided to bring up the 2015 Volkswagen GTI. It's not a car I thought of as being particularly controversial, considering it sticks to a similar format as its immediate predecessors.

But CR has made it controversial because of remarks by one of its auto guys who thinks it's a "thumbs down." Why is that? He thinks it's just not fun enough, not engaging enough and, crucially, not enough like the original GTI.

I think he's going to be waiting a long time for VW to make another Mk 1 GTI.

Confession #43: Acura and Buick's new small cars are Millennial-chasers, but Baby Boomers will be doing the driving

2013 Acura ILX (Photo: Wikimedia/IFCAR)

A day doesn't go by when I don't come across some story about automakers dying to appeal to so-called Millennials, or the twentysomething crowd infatuated with Facebook and iPhones.

That's fine and whatever, but designers and product planners think it's a good idea to incorporate elements of these things into new cars, especially those they want to sell to people of my demographic (well, those of us who are gainfully employed). I like the ability to connect my iPhone through Bluetooth and Internet radio steaming through the speakers is cool. But I do not want to update my Facebook status while driving, or post something witty to Twitter. Product planners of the auto industry, listen up: that's not going to get more Millennials to buy your cars.

What might work is if these entry-level "premium" cars they're pitching didn't look like they're made for our parents. The latest case comes from Acura, in the form of the totally shrug-inducing ILX sedan.

Confession #36: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller's selling a Honda?

Car commercials were always kind of a "who's-who" of famous actors doing voiceovers. Did you know James Spader's been the voice of Acura commercials for years? Jeff Bridges has been lending his to Hyundai ads too. And the voice of Mercedes-Benz? That's Jon Hamm, or, as most people might recognize him, Don Draper from "Mad Men." And Draper's partner on the show Roger Sterling (John Slattery) spent the early part of last year posing in Lincoln ads. 

That's all been topped this Super Bowl season by Ferris Bueller. Err ... Matthew Broderick, as Ferris Bueller, playing Matthew Broderick. It's kind of confusing really. Broderick is the star in a Honda CR-V commercial, but he's acting like his character from the fantastic 1986 film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Only this time, Broderick is a middle-aged actor who plays hooky from work to drive around LA in his CR-V. Is that sad? Well, yes. It is.

Confession #35: Whose Car of the Year is it, anyway?

I remember the holiday season for some notable things. Among them are consuming far too much food that your pants no longer fit, broken Christmas presents littering your living room floor and car commercials that are sillier than normal. Lexus has become synonymous for its “December to Remember” sales event advertisements that prominently showcase a car wrapped in a bow in the driveway as the surprised couple moves in slow motion towards their new RX-GS-IS-or whatever. Corny, I know.

Confession #28: It's all about the touch

People like to touch things, that's just a fact. So when automakers design an interior, it had better be made of some satisfying materials that give off positive feelings when used. We spend a lot of time touching a knob to adjust the air conditioning, a button to open or close a window and a lever to change gears. 

Nothing gets a car reviewer (often ones from Consumer Reports) giddier than a soft-touch dashboard, the ones where your finger leaves a dimple in the dash when pressure is applied. That's in comparison to old plastic dashboards that sometimes resembled the plastic holding your See's chocolate in place in the box. 

2012 Volkswagen Passat SEL (VW of America photo)

I was wandering by the local Volkswagen dealer the other day and walked up to the new Passat. Now the exterior is one thing. It's a sharp-suited sedan, very Teutonic in comparison to the artsy Hyundai Sonata and conservative-but-somehow-not-right Japanese competition. Even though the much-ballyhooed, American-made Passat is a lot cheaper than the old car, it looks expensive on the outside.

Confession #26: Get in and go for a drive

California State Highway 1 near Bixby Creek Bridge,
Big Sur, Calif. (Google Earth image) 

Easily one of my favorite things about driving is finding a good road without a lot of traffic, on a clear day with nothing else on your mind.

Trust me, it’s intoxicating.

Even though I lean towards the environmentalist perspective that we should all drive more economically and buy smaller, more appropriately sized cars, I don’t tell people it’s partially because we should be saving fuel for drives that aren’t to anywhere or really for anything other than the undiluted thrill of driving.

Finding a good road for this is a never-ending quest. Like a tough addiction, you can be happy with a favorite stretch of pavement for a while, until it becomes too familiar. Then you go out looking for something stronger, more thrilling. It could eventually consume you. Be careful.

The car for the job really matters. It has to be engaging on some level, meaning the Hertz special Ford Fusion isn’t a good fit. But get something that’s only powerful and not an able handler, and you’re again asking for trouble.

Confession #24: Impulsive, non-committal type seeks functional, fast wagon for friendship

(Saab Automobile AB photo)

Wagons are perfect for someone who favors diplomatic decisions over democratic ones. And even for someone who wants a quick escape, just in case the choice doesn't work.

Take a detour to Ikea one Saturday? You can spend hundreds of dollars in assemble-yourself furniture and spend the rest of the weekend scratching your head and screaming at an Allen wrench. And then return it in pieces the following weekend while trying to keep the rage to a minimum at the customer service desk.

Have you just started scuba sessions? Dozens of oxygen tanks will fit without drama.

Confession #20: You can't run on customer loyalty forever

It’s no secret Toyota’s recently been taking its decades-old customer loyalty for granted.

And while company officials and sales figures suggest it’s managed to keep a number of those customers in the fold, could it be only a matter of time before millions of Toyota drivers leave the company?

Bloomberg’s Alan Ohnsman posed the question in a recent article describing the struggle of the Toyota Corolla, the company’s mainstay for the better part of four decades. It long ago passed the Volkswagen Beetle as the most popular nameplate in history, with more than 37 million sold since the 1960s. And, floor mat-accelerator issues aside, it’s remained a byword for durability and reliability.

2011 Toyota Corolla S (Toyota Motor photo)

Toyota’s been throwing those characteristics around in TV ads, with customer testimonials about the number of surviving Corollas in the last 20-or-so years.

But there’s a problem when the best thing a company can say about its product is that it’s durable and reliable. The Corolla’s forever been an example of an automotive appliance, just reliable transportation. And for many years that’s been fine, since that best described the small car class.

Confession #18: Small Cars Part 2 – Is this a country for super-small SUV?

2011 Mini Cooper S All4 Countryman
(Mini USA photo)

I walked past a Mini Countryman the other day. It was a strange sight in a snow-covered parking lot in Boston, mostly filled by weather-beaten small domestics, Saabs, Subarus, Volvos, and the occasional Audi A5 or Q5 that has somehow managed to stay cleaner than everything else.

There are even some standard Minis parked there and even then, the Countryman doesn’t blend in quite right, and not because this example looked pristine under the dim sunlight of a freezing January afternoon. It’s not small like a Mini or even another small hatch. But compared to the muddy Ford Explorer planted a few spaces away, it’s miniscule, no pun intended.

2010 Volkswagen Golf 3-door
(Volkswagen photo)

What never quite clicked with the Countryman and me was this: You buy a Mini because it’s compact, and you buy a small SUV/crossover either because it’s smaller than a big one or it’s all you can afford.

The Countryman is small. But at more than four meters (or 13 feet) long, it’s about the length of a Volkswagen Golf. And it’s at least 12 inches longer than the normal Mini, so it’s firmly into the “normal size” of a modern car.

Is it the normal length of an SUV? Hardly.

Confession #17: It must be tough to sell cars

I once flirted with the idea of selling cars. Being a journalist isn’t exactly a cakewalk these days and being a new car salesman, minus a garish blazer and greasy hair, seems good in comparison. At least when the economy gets better.

Car companies have been trying for years to get creative with marketing videos promoting their new products. And it’s ranged from the boring to the ridiculous.

AMC/Renault clearly thought the best way to distract people from the box-inspired 1985 Alliance Convertible was to make a very 1980s-ish music video featuring their new flagship. Except they decided to stage the dance routines in what looked like an old John Wayne movie set. And there are mimes for French effect because ... why wouldn't there be?

Confession #15: The '90s did, in fact, rock

I stole this from a recent Twitter trend, I admit. But someone stole it from me, because I’ve been saying it for years. Almost 10 in fact.

The 1990s was a great decade. Admittedly, I’ve only lived through two decades and that’s often embarrassing to tell people.

No, I was born after the Berlin Wall fell down, Reagan was out of office at this point, and greed was no longer good. I grew up smack in the middle of the era of the Trophy Kids, where we were awarded for showing up. Seriously, I have the participation trophies to prove this.

But lately, I’ve been on a kick to find cars from my childhood. Late-night searches on eBay and other classifieds have me filtering through an interesting selection of motors that graced the pages of auto magazines from my childhood.

Here’s a sample of what I’m on the lookout for:

1999 Mercedes-Benz C43 AMG
(DaimlerChrysler photo)

Mercedes-Benz C43 AMG (1998-2000)
A lunatic V8 small Mercedes seemed like a crazy idea in 1998, and in the C43 it was. When others this size were still in turbo fours and sixes, Mercedes-Benz shoehorned a big engine and made something hugely expensive and wild. But remember, this is when Mercedes was still over-engineering their cars. So today, it’s a remarkably solid sport sedan.

1997 BMW M3 Sedan
(BMW AG photo)

BMW M3 Sedan (1997-1998)
The E36 3-series (’92-’99) is perhaps my favorite 3-series of all of them. The M3 of this era made do without much of the technology and electronic interference of subsequent editions. But the best of all for me was the 4-door. It’s more practical than the coupe, just as good looking and so discreet you won’t be immediately targeted by the police for speeding. The school superintendent in my elementary school days even had one, with her son's booster seat in place if I recall. If that's not unassuming, I don't know what is.

1995 BMW 850CSi (BMW photo)

BMW 850CSi (1994-1996)
OK, so the 8-series was a bridge too far for BMW. It was too expensive when it was new and not fast enough. But today they’re quite cheap and this, the fastest of all, looks fantastic today. I’ve loved the car since I was 4 years old, when all I wanted for Christmas was a 1/18 scale model of one. It’s not a great car but it’s certainly an interesting one.

1995 Jaguar XJR (Jaguar Cars photo)

Jaguar XJR (1995-1997)
Similar situation as the 8-series. The first XJR debuted in the revised 1995 XJ line, the first revision of the big Jag since Ford took the company over. Arguably the biggest goal of the X300 project was to make the electrics work. They were somewhat successful, but in the process the designers did their part to make it the best-looking Jag until the 2007 XK. And the engineers in charge of power decided to supercharge the 4.0-liter straight six, with 333 horsepower. Sure, it does 12 MPG, but since it won’t start every day you won’t be going very far anyway.

1997 Land Rover Defender 90
(Land Rover North America photo)

Land Rover Defender 90 (1994-1995, 1997)
Think of the Defender as a Jeep Wrangler for Europhiles. It has the same mission as the Jeep, being a relentless off-road bruiser that bruises you if you drive it on-road. There really isn’t an ounce of refinement in the basic Land Rover, as even the seats are vinyl. But of the couple thousand Defender 90 3-doors built for the US, all have V8s out of the Range Rover, which is why even the Brits lust after these specific models. The best bets are the 1997 models, when the V8 was upped from 3.9 to 4.0 liters and came with an automatic.

1993 Volkswagen Corrado SLC VR6
(Volkswagen photo)

Volkswagen Corrado SLC, Golf GTI VR6 and Jetta GLX VR6 (1993-1994, 1995-1999)
My father road tested the Corrado when it first came out in 1990 and hated it. The simple mention of the car drove shivers down his spine, and lots of unflattering words from his mouth. That’s because Volkswagen decided to put a nasty supercharged four-cylinder that wasn’t really fast enough. But Wolfsburg wised up in 1993 with the addition of the VR6, a V6 the size of a four-cylinder squeezed into the tiny engine bay. The result was a fantastic looking coupe with a fantastically smooth engine. Even so, the Corrado didn’t sell, so VW took the engine and put it into the Golf GTI and Jetta GLX in 1995 with similar effects. Thus began the first of the “Grown-up” hot VWs.

1999 Honda Civic Si
(American Honda photo)

Honda Civic Si (1999-2000)
Normally I’d approach a Civic the same enthusiasm as I devote to doing laundry. But then this is when Honda was still making the Civic right, with sophisticated suspension and eager VTEC engines. The best of all was the late-model Si coupe. It came only with a 160-horspower four-cylinder mated to a five-speed manual. It also weighed practically nothing and came with no electronic interference. Finding an example that hasn’t been rolled, tracked or used as a prop in a “Fast and the Furious” iteration is a tough but worthy find.

1991 Alfa Romeo 164 S

Alfa Romeo 164 (1991-1995)
This one’s a crazy idea. I really know nothing about Alfas, partly because they sold a tiny number of cars in the US before they pulled out of the market when I was five. But I do know the 164 shared a number of under-the-floor bits with the Saab 9000, a car I am familiar with. I also know the Pininfarina body is seriously attractive and that you can pick one up for pretty cheap. What I don’t know is a good Alfa mechanic. Still, a good find if a Saab is just too common.

Of course, this is the short list, or at least what I can remember without rummaging through the magazines from the ’90s. There’s just a great simplicity to these cars but all of them could be considered modern somehow (with exception to the Defender, which is just cool). And I think it’s cool to drive all of these cars again, especially if they haven’t fared too badly during the last decade. Though I’m not sure how many more ’90s trends need to come back into fashion. We’re still reliving the ’80s apparently.

Confession #14: Small is in, whether we like it or not

OK, I have some sympathy for product planners who have some pretty cumbersome schedules.

Just when gas prices reached around $4.50 per gallon in the summer of 2008 – months before the economy crashed and burned – people were scrambling to sell their SUVs and V8s that took two credit card swipes at the pumps to fill. The same people took huge losses on trade-in values too when they swapped them in for things like the VW Jetta, Mini, Smart, Ford Focus, and especially the Honda Civic, which became the best-selling car in the US for a few months that year.

Fuel prices have precipitously fallen since then and are still mostly in the low-to-mid $3 range. But a wave of small cars automakers, hurried into production when they thought gas prices were going to keep escalating, have arrived.

Ford launched the Fiesta over the summer after a year of social media fanfare and teasing customers with the European version of the car.

Granted, Ford watered the now-Mexican-built Fiesta hatchback and introduced an ungainly looking four-door to the mix, but reviews have been fairly positive. What’s more, the company packed it with toys like a dual-clutch transmission (like the one VW has been putting in their cars) and the SYNC voice-control-Bluetooth software.

Chevy is doing something similar with the Civic-Corolla slayer Cruze. No longer is the General going cheap with small cars. Most versions come with a six-speed automatic and turbo 4-cylinder that gets around 40 MPG. Critics are raving about the interior quality, some, like The New York Times’ James Cobb, say it could be best-in-class. And remember, that class includes the former interior beauty queen Jetta.

Confession #12: Time to play catch-up

It’s been a rough year for Toyota and March isn’t even over. While sales probably won’t suffer too much (year-on-year comparisons and hefty incentives are responsible here), the company’s reputation is on the line right now.

Toyota, which reached its goal of being number one in 2008 – and did it again last year – did so by cutting costs, stretching its engineering resources and riding heavily on its reputation for high quality.

Time to face facts: Toyota stopped deserving their reputation several years ago. Products like the Camry and Corolla, while never groundbreaking in a technological or design standpoint, were always well-engineered and refined and to a higher standard than the competition.

Honda had stellar products in the 2003 Accord and 2006 Civic. Nissan got its act together with the 2007 Altima. Hyundai did a good job knocking off the Corolla with the 2007 Elantra, and did it with their low prices and great warranty. Now their new Sonata looks 10 times better than a Camry ever did while being cheaper, better built and better to drive. GM got down to business with the 2008 Chevy Malibu that is better at being competent than the Camry. And Ford’s 2010 Fusion leaves the Camry, and just about every other midsize sedan, in its dust whether you want gas or gas-electric power.

Toyota will get over its unintended acceleration hysteria whether or not the problem is actually solved. It may even get past its other quality issues. But it won’t be able to ride on its reputation for quality cars when it isn’t in the business of producing those products anymore.

When Hyundai/Kia are making them for cheaper, Volkswagen is making them with more panache (see NCC coupe concept, soon to be the new Jetta) and Ford is going crazy with courage (see new Focus and Grand C-Max also), it’s only a matter of time before Toyota loses its prized ubiquity.

Confession #10: No Autocar, there isn't one car of the decade

The British motoring publication Autocar is trying to evaluate the Car of the Decade. The latest blogger, Steve Sutcliffe, has it really wrong.

The Bugatti Veyron, as impressive as an engineering feat it is, epitomizes a lot of what went wrong in the 2000s. Yes, it's absolutely amazing that this road-legal car has a 16-cylinder engine, with no less than 10 radiators, and goes 253 miles-per-hour. Every

thing about it is done to the highest standard and frankly I would sell any part of me for a ride in one, let alone the privilege of driving it.

But it's a $1 million car. New. And while it's not like there's one on every corner (unless you live in Dubai), it's not exactly rare or special enough to warrant the price yet. So collectors haven't really embraced it at this point. It's just shocking to grasp the reality that people will actually pay this much for a new car and never realize its full potential.

There are worse offenses of the decade as far as cars go. I notice now that people who in the '90s had Accords, Camrys, and thought a Nissan 300ZX wa

s an exotic plaything for weekends now end 2009 with BMW 3-series and Audi A4s in their driveway, with a Porsche Boxster or BMW Z4 in the garage. It's not like they have any more disposable income than they did 10 years ago, but people have stretched their credit further in order to afford a posh badge.

This phenomenon has done two things. It has cheapened the appeal of premium brands, especially the German ones. That's why Porsche brought us such things as the Cayenne and Panamera. And Audi inflicted the butt-ugly Q7 and BMW brought the aforementioned X6. Other nationalities have had poor offenders, such as Lexus' new HS250h hybrid, which is just a more expensive and less efficient Toyota Prius.
That in turn has narrowed the gap of premium brands in terms of quality and engineering. The Hyundai Genesis, for example, is every bit as good as a Cadillac STS, itself a very competent vehicle competing with the Mercedes E-Class and BMW 5-series. But because it has a cheap badge on it, it's worth 15 grand less.

This brings me to my cars of the decade. There has to be several, maybe 10. The 2000s were just chock-full of new cars and rapidly advancing technology that I really can't narrow it down to a single model.

Confession #9: Being sold on a badge

It's easy to rag on the Germans. For the most part, it's hard to fault the cars. They may be expensive, sometimes ugly and, well...expensive, but beyond this there's not much else substantial to quibble over. That's why I poke fun at the perfection. BMW offers a setting on many of its vehicles to change the timer on the headlights after the car is turned off. But it's not like you can choose from seconds in increments of ten, it's infinite. You can be sitting in your car, like Jeremy Clarkson, and be fussing over the timer.

But it's the attention to detail and pursuit of perfection that begs to be both ridiculed and appreciated.
Audi has really been on a role lately. Aside from the misstep that is the Q7, there's not a bad looking car in the lineup. And since they're basically VWs, they're well-built.
So it comes as no surprise to me that this year's Green Car of the Year is the Audi A3 TDI.

It's a good looking car. It's practical, and at less than $30,000, it's not horrifically expensive. But like every Audi, it's amazingly well put together. There's no silver plastic inside, but real brushed aluminum. None of the panels have gaps you could run even a credit card through.
There is a problem though, and it comes from VW. The Jetta TDI was last year's Green Car of the Year. And now you can get the same engine in the new Golf TDI, which can be had with either two or four doors.
But here's the thing-- I'd still have the Audi. It might be insane, and a contradiction to what I've said before, but there's something about the A3 TDI I never realized before sitting in it and seriously considering it. But this car really is the best of all worlds. It has a designer label and it's practical. It's quick but it also does 42 MPG. People will look at your key, see the Audi logo and be impressed, more so than a VW.
This car allows you to be image-conscious and pragmatic at the same time. I'm sold.

Confession #3: Audi is the new BMW

I've never seen the reason for buying an Audi.

Take the A3 2.0T. Why would you buy that over a Volkswagen GTI? The engine is the same kind, it has the same power, the car is roughly the same size and it's basically as much fun to drive.

But the Audi is about seven grand more than the VW. And for what exactly? The badge, obviously.

Audi is the new BMW. It's official.

I'm pretty sure people have forgotten that Audis are dolled-up versions of VWs, in the same way that Lincolns are typically Fords in heavy makeup and Acuras made up from bits and pieces from the Honda partsbin. And there are a ton of other examples.

Don't get me wrong, a Vee-dub is great place to start. In fact, I can't really think of a bad Audi (oh wait, the Q7, which looks like it was modeled after a whale). They're all pretty good to drive, look good (Q7 excepted) and have some of the best interiors. In fact, they're better all-around than most offerings from the other Germans, let alone cars of other nationalities.

Audi would like you to think then that if you want to stand out from the mass of propeller badges, three-pointed stars, and slanted Ls, buy a car with four rings on the grille.

They've succeeded. Because if you're doing about 80 in the fast lane, there's going to be a spikey-haired boy in Oakleys in an A4 trying to race you. So you move to the next lane and get in front of a TT, which is angry that you're only going 10 mph over the limit.

Moral of the story: if you want to be different, buy a BMW. You'll end up with an ugly car though. So you could just by a VW. But then you're friends will think you couldn't afford an Audi.

I guess I'm safe with a Saab for now.