Confession #61: The loss of Top Gear as I know it stings like the loss of a show about gays

I hesitate to write about Jeremy Clarkson. There was something inevitable about his lashing out and subsequent firing from the BBC and Top Gear. But the fact the effective end of the car show as I was introduced to it came almost at the same time as the cancellation of Looking, the show I loved to hate. And suddenly, two shows I loved were done.

Confession #60: Better car dealers are not made with better decor

Photo: Creative Commons/Flickr

How important is a marble floor, free coffee and some nice chairs? Or an off-road test track and consistent branding? And is any of this important for your local car dealership?

Not if the dealers are hard to get to and still difficult to deal with once you get there.

Confession #59: The SUV-sedan is the strangest combination that won't go away

Most wagon fans have come to terms as much as possible with jacked-up wagons, if only as a way of keeping the breed alive somehow. With successes like the Subaru Outback, you can't really argue with it – and it's about all of the SUV many, many people need.

But the offshoot of this wagon-with-cladding trend is the curious sedan-with-cladding, the likes of which haven't been seen since 2007. Thanks to Volvo and the S60 Cross Country, it's back and as charmingly confusing as ever.

Confession #58: Mercedes now makes the wildest hot hatches, or whatever they're called

Look, Daimler. I don't know where you're hiding the old Mercedes-Benz, but I'm starting not to care. I longed for the days of the stoic W124s, but Stuttgart has embraced its lunatic side and it's having startlingly seductive results.

Case in point is the newly announced Mercedes CLA45 AMG Shooting Brake. Dear God, it's pretty much everything I've ever wanted.

Confession #57: You can laugh at Peugeot-Citroen's US plans until they actually return

Citroen DS5 (Photo: Citroen)

Please forgive those of us on the Internet for getting giddy over the phrases "PSA" and "US re-entry" in the same headline. Seeing the things French automakers are putting on the auto show stands in Europe and China these days makes us American car fans envious.

After these latest quotes from brand exec Yves Bonnefort pushing PSA's DS premium line of Citroens, there's a glimmer of hope we may finally get French cars in the US sometime next decade. Or maybe it's just another false start to trick the auto scribes and bolster the pessimists.

Whatever the reality, importing a line of upscale DS cars doesn't sound totally out of the realm of possibility in this age of premium brands for the masses.

Confession #56: At last, we'll call it a Cadillac instead of a CTS

Photo: Cadillac

Yes, it's hard to name cars. Lots of names are taken these days. And then there's this need to build brand identity, which has brought the luxury car world firmly into the realm of alphanumerics.

Welcome to the second round of the alphanumeric era, where everything's made up and you shouldn't get used to the names.

Cadillac's third leader in two years is Johan de Nysschen. After doing good work at Audi and Infiniti to raise the prominence and focus of those luxury brands, he's tasked with turning Cadillac's line of good cars into a line of good cars that actually sell. So on Tuesday, Cadillac announced it was moving its headquarters to New York City. On Wednesday, it said it would change the name of its cars. It's been a busy week.

Confession #55: The Jaguar XE needs to be special so we can never say X-Type again

Jaguar XE (Photos: Jaguar)

The Jaguar XE is supposed to make you think of the future. The company wants you to look at it and see your future car, more than anything else. But it represents the company's future volume brand, and reassuring its future altogether.

Which is unfortunate because that's exactly what they wanted you to think 13 years ago with another small sedan that began with an X. The Jaguar X-Type was that compact BMW 3-series-fighter that was supposed to propel Jaguar into the mainstream luxury world once and for all. And it's mentioned in just about everything written about the XE this week. I quit counting after about a bazillion.

Would anyone remember the X-Type if the auto-writing world didn't bother to mention it every now and then?

Confession #54: The new Volvo XC90 is slick, not outrageous – and that's perfect

New Volvo XC90 (Photos: Volvo Cars)

I really hoped Volvo would stick some splashes of orange trim on the production 2016 Volvo XC90, like they had on the Volvo Concept XC Coupe. I really hoped the new XC90 would have tweed upholstery and orange seatbelts like the Volvo Concept Estate.

The new XC90 doesn't have any of these things.

Probably the most interesting thing on the totally new XC90 crossover will be the crystal gearshift and little Swedish flag tags on the seats. Many of us are disappointed after the months and months of teasing, but I think I'm fine with this new Volvo. In an age of tacky LEDs and vents and pointless swooshes everywhere in car design, this is a clean, simple design. It's a Volvo, and that's a good thing here.

Confession #53: The thrill of an Acura isn't what's on the outside

2015 Acura TLX (Photo: Acura)

For a while now, people (myself included) had written off Acura as a maker of extremely competent sedans that didn't shout about themselves. Since the high-water marks of the mid-2000s, they took to making cars with bizarre styling that were kind of ho-hum overall.

And since then, Acura made a name for itself by building the insanely popular MDX crossover. Then they made its little brother RDX all V6 and conventional and sales took off. So why even bother with sedans anymore when the market is shifting to crossovers anyway?

Acura apparently bothered with the TLX, their new midsize sedan. Except for its overall appearance.

Confession #52: It should be easy to make a Subaru Outback

2015 Subaru Outback (Photo: Subaru)

The Subaru Outback is an important vehicle, and a surprising one. It has succeeded where the AMC Eagle and Matra Rancho failed. It's a wagon masquerading as an SUV that people actually take seriously.

It didn't happen overnight, but in about 20 years the Outback has gone from a niche vehicle to being Subaru's second-best seller and catapulting the brand itself from a quirky bit player in the US to a less quirky, significant player in the US. Subaru keeps having its "best month ever" for US sales they could really find a new way to say that.

But it's partly due to the Outback, a reasonably simple concept. So why can't anyone else make a serious rival?

Confession #51: There's never going to be a VW GTI like the first VW GTI

Photo: VW

For the third week in a row, Consumer Reports' Talking Cars segment has decided to bring up the 2015 Volkswagen GTI. It's not a car I thought of as being particularly controversial, considering it sticks to a similar format as its immediate predecessors.

But CR has made it controversial because of remarks by one of its auto guys who thinks it's a "thumbs down." Why is that? He thinks it's just not fun enough, not engaging enough and, crucially, not enough like the original GTI.

I think he's going to be waiting a long time for VW to make another Mk 1 GTI.

Confession #50: It's crazy not to bring the Smart ForFour to the US

Daimler's third go at making the Smart ForTwo super small city car concept work looks good so far. Leave it to the French, Renault in this case, to finally make the Smart as weird as it should be. But it's the four-door, four-seat ForFour that could be a hit. And best of all, it looks ridiculous.

Where it could really work is in the United States. Six years ago, the Smart proved relatively popular as far as tiny European cars go. But five years ago, it entered into a sales spiral it never recovered from – even after Daimler stepped in to distribute the car and introduced a really cheap electric version. Americans want more doors and more space. And that's exactly what Daimler is going to keep from Americans.

Confession #49: New cars are just like old cars

The Honda CR-V offers just about anything anyone could ask from a car, as long as you're not someone who particularly likes cars. And even if you do, you can respect it. Really, that's a rare thing.

I've had a theory for a while now that the CR-V is the modern day Volvo 240. Last produced 21 years ago, Volvo never replaced the 240 wagon with anything as utilitarian, so that sent people who cared far more about practicality and longevity than badge snobbery. It's a car people only get rid of when the smells inside of it become too difficult to live with.

Confession #48: Buick and Cadillac need each other right now

Buick Regal GS, Cadillac CTS (Photos: GM)

I absolutely feel for Cadillac right now. In my lifetime, there have been at least five big pushes to tell people "This is not your grandfather's Cadillac." And it's really only now the product has pretty much backed up that claim. That's why it sucks sales are spiraling.

It can't help that there's been a jumble of leaders over the past couple years at GM's most prestigious brand. And even after a sales bump in 2013, the momentum has been lost.

Confession #47: There aren't enough selfish people anymore to buy two-door cars

Photo: Honda

Just because a car only has one door on each side doesn't make it sexier than something that has four. But try telling this to people who insist on only having two-doors. Like a surprising amount of people I've known in my life. They tend to be single, or divorced, or childless, or not very practical. Selfish is probably too strong of a word, but it's something along those lines.

Perhaps it's the more pragmatic times we're living in these days that are making people a little more caring – caring enough to buy more and more vehicles with four doors and at least two rows of seats. And that's killing the (relatively) inexpensive two-door car. That includes coupes and convertibles.

Confession #46: I can't imagine marketers picking baby names

Opel ADAM. And some jumping people
(General Motors photo)

I won two goldfish from the Monroe School carnival when I was 8. They lived for about a week, but I still named them Bob and Buster – and no, I couldn't tell them apart. I arrived at Bob and Buster because Bob Crown appeared regularly on local TV commercials promoting his dealer, Crown Dodge. Next to him, usually sitting on a Durango or something like that, was his bulldog, Buster. Seriously, those were the best names I could come up with.

Names for living, breathing things are hard. My parents chose my full, legal name by committee. That's why, when I show off my driver's license, people sometimes die of laughter. But why should naming a car be that difficult? It is, because Opel just picked one of the first names in the baby book.

Confession #45: I drive an old car, and that's perfectly fine

(Zac Estrada photo – Click for more photos of cars in Cuba)

The average age of the cars on the road today is 11 years old. In theory, the average car in this country could enter the sixth grade. The notion that Americans buy and sell a car every three years is completely gone. It could be the economy and continuously tight credit situations forcing people to keep their cars longer. Or it could be that cars from that era are just too good to give up.

Think about the time period these cars fall into. The late '90/early '00s time period produced some seriously good machines, a few of which haven't really been bettered by their successors. I'm starting to understand all of those people who've only owned Golf Mk2s or E39 BMWs because they say they were never beaten. Or my grandfather, great automotive philosopher he was, who searched for a car he liked better than a VW Beetle and never found one. Let's ignore that, OK?

Confession #44: If the faithful won't buy a Saab EV, who will?

2010 Saab 9-3X (Saab Automobile photo)

I've expressed my love and skepticism for Saab several times. But I never wrote an obit.

I very nearly counted them out as the production halt in April 2011 turned into a potential sale, which turned into reorganization and then full-on bankruptcy around Christmas. They were down, but not dead and buried. Yet.

Today's news the broken remains of Saab Automobile – the plant, various tooling pieces and probably a lot of stationary and swanky Swedish furniture – were sold to a consortium called National Electric Vehicle Sweden (NEVS). NEVS is based in Sweden, led by a Chinese-born executive and has Japanese and Chinese money. Sounds like an interesting party, to say the least.

Confession #43: Acura and Buick's new small cars are Millennial-chasers, but Baby Boomers will be doing the driving

2013 Acura ILX (Photo: Wikimedia/IFCAR)

A day doesn't go by when I don't come across some story about automakers dying to appeal to so-called Millennials, or the twentysomething crowd infatuated with Facebook and iPhones.

That's fine and whatever, but designers and product planners think it's a good idea to incorporate elements of these things into new cars, especially those they want to sell to people of my demographic (well, those of us who are gainfully employed). I like the ability to connect my iPhone through Bluetooth and Internet radio steaming through the speakers is cool. But I do not want to update my Facebook status while driving, or post something witty to Twitter. Product planners of the auto industry, listen up: that's not going to get more Millennials to buy your cars.

What might work is if these entry-level "premium" cars they're pitching didn't look like they're made for our parents. The latest case comes from Acura, in the form of the totally shrug-inducing ILX sedan.

Confession #42: If others' first impressions are anything to go on, some things are still worth the wait

2013 Subaru BRZ (AutoViva photo)

I swear, I'm not turning into some hyper-critic of automotive journalists. I may have just railed on Consumer Reports and their apparent lack of any understanding of impulse buying in their reviews, but I will largely save media criticism for my other blog.

This isn't so much criticism as an observation. Perhaps the most drawn-out coverage among auto journalists in recent memory is the Toyota-Subaru sports coupe collaboration, just now bearing fruit as the Subaru BRZ, Scion FR-S and its Toyota-branded equivalent. A lot of acronyms, but really one rear-wheel drive, compact sports coupe with a boxer four-pot and aimed at sports car purists who value great handling characteristics over modern electronic driver intervention and a heavily boosted engine. What's more, this speaks to the core of an auto journalist's heart. These are cars that just aren't as common on auto show stands, things with four cylinders, three pedals and a price that begins with a 2. I'm starting to picture hoards of drivers slobbering like Labradors at the press launch.